Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy: Advances from Neurobiology and the Science of Intimate Relationships

Brent J. Atkinson

See also accompanying CD-ROM Workbook Developing Habits for Relationship Success

Praise for Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy:

"[A] very useful primer for the relatively inexperienced therapist. Even the experienced therapist will find much to admire."
—Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Book Reviews

"Without a doubt, Atkinson’s clearly illustrated, conceptually systematic and research-based PET-C model provides for the therapist an integrated method for problem solving difficult couples’ issues, and more importantly, his model enables couples to develop skills that ultimately rebuild the foundational dynamics of their relationship."
—Minnesota AMFT News

"Atkinson has integrated a detailed and comprehensive model of treating couples and gives us one of the better [books] for the field. . . . [A] good investment for the therapist who wishes to use exercises and strategies specific to this model. I have tried components of Atkinson's model with a couple whose emotional reactivity detailed their more intelligent efforts in exactly the way the book describes and found it both a helpful therapeutic model and a language that makes sense to me and to each of them. I plan to try using the model with a couple that seems appropriate, including the workbook and exercises."
—The Family Psychologist

"If you are an advanced marital and family therapy, clinical social work, psychiatric nursing, psychology, or psychiatry graduate student... a supervisor or faculty in a training program for any of hte above, ... a private pracitioner of couples and family therapy, this book should be on your must read list...! Don't put it off! It is that good, and that important to your work... Don't miss this opportunity!"
—PsycCritiques (read the full review)

"Destined to be one of the most important books on couples therapy of this decade. A must read for the informed psychotherapist. Atkinson makes a brilliant case that successful psychotherapy literally rewires the brain for more flexibility by forging new neural networks and enabling clients to shift emotional states away from hurt/protection and toward intimacy. This revolutionary volume shows that partners need to become more skilled at responding to upsetting things that their partners say or do. Atkinson guides the reader step-by-step through the processes of helping clients identify and shift emotional states. A tour de force of scientific sophistication and clinical wisdom. Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy will be a classic!"

—Douglas H. Sprenkle, Ph.D., Director, Doctoral Program in Marriage and Family Therapy, Purdue University, and winner of the Award for Cumulative Career Contribution to Family Therapy Research from the American Association for Marital and Family Therapy

"All couples therapists have observed first-hand that during intense interaction partners can find that their brains are ’emotionally high-jacked’ and all the communication skills they have been carefully coached to enact disappear. This is a critical reason for the alarmingly high relapse rate after seemingly successful therapy. In Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy, Atkinson explains the scientific basis for this phenomenon and, more importantly, he offers step-by-step guidance for therapists to help couples deal with the intense affect that can disable effective communication. Incorporating case materials tested in his Couples Research Institute, he shows how to model new patterns for the partners, how to motivate partners to make needed change and deal with resistance, and how to utilize new technology to extend the results of therapy beyond the counseling office. There is a separate electronic workbook which allows therapists to customize and print manuals for each partner. Any couples therapists concerned about increasing their effectiveness and avoiding relapse need to master this powerful new approach!"

—Thomas C. Todd, Director, Marriage & Family Therapy Program, Adler School of Professional Psychology

“The book is capable of both producing the big picture and of providing nuts and bolts. The therapist is taken on a journey into the science of several disciplines, the theoretical backdrops are noted, and an organized system of delivery with stage-appropriate techniques elucidated. These tall orders are masterfully delivered with clarity, warmth, and a writing style that is encouraging to the reader. The book would be excellent as a companion text in a fundamentals of psychotherapy graduate class. It should be used as required reading in internship and residency programs for psychotherapists and in programs wishing to enhance their couples programs. It is a wonderful way to review some of the couples and neuroscience research and to locate secondary and meaningful reading and research review. It should be on the shelves of most private practitioners.”
—PsycCritiques

Overview - Contents - Introduction

 

Over the past thirty years, groundbreaking studies on the relationships of couples have identified precisely what intimate partners must do in order to have successful partnerships. Yet even when they know what would work, partners often find that they are unable to do these things. Why is this?

Provocative new neurological research suggests that old habits die hard for a reason—they may be woven into the fabric of brain states. We are wired for specific kinds of neural activations very early in life and these habitual responses are automatically activated in daily living, often without conscious awareness. Once they are set, these activation patterns (also known as response states) are likely to continue throughout a person’s life.

For the most part, we don’t volunteer for these response states; we simply find ourselves under their influence. When any one of them is activated, we may lose the capacity to choose freely our thoughts and actions. It’s as if, at that moment, someone else is in charge. For these reasons and others, people in relationships may find it extremely difficult if not impossible to change how they respond to their partners. No matter how much partners want to change, their wired response states oppose their intentions.

Part 1 of this book is a tour of the revolutionary discoveries emerging from neurobiology and the science of intimate relationships. Atkinson shows readers the implications of these discoveries for those who seek to change interpersonal habits and improve intimate relationships. These neural operating programs may also help explain why psychotherapies often fail to promote lasting change.

In Part 2 readers will find a remedy for this problem. Atkinson introduces Pragmatic/Experiential Therapy for Couples (PET-C), a step-by-step approach to working with couples that facilitates relationship change by promoting increased levels of neural integration in each partner. In PET-C, partners learn to identify mood states which perpetuate outmoded thoughts, attitudes, and habits of interaction. Once identified, clients are then assisted in the process of "re-wiring" these states for more flexibility and then activating alternate states which support new avenues for thought and action.

Extensive case examples and ample illustrations of therapeutic dialogue demonstrate for readers the ins and outs of implementing PET-C with their clients. This book is supplemented by a companion CD-ROM titled Developing Habits for Relationship Success. The CD-ROM has two workbooks—for clients with male partners and clients with female partners—that can be personalized with the client’s name and printed out on demand. The workbooks contain dozens of take-home exercises designed to help clients identify troublesome response states and then develop new emotional habits.

The discovery and understanding of the brain’s neural operating systems is of huge importance for anyone who seeks to make sense of troubled relationships and understand why partners often persist in self-defeating interactions. Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy is essential reading for anyone working with couples and seeking a new way to approach and understand human interactions.

About the Author –

Brent J. Atkinson, PH.D., is a senior graduate faculty member in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Northern Illinois University, and Director of Post-Graduate Training at the Couples Research Institute in Geneva, Illinois. He is the principle architect of Pragmatic/Experiential Therapy for Couples, an approach that translates new scientific findings about the brain into practical methods for improving relationships. Atkinson practices at the Couples Clinic in Geneva, Illinois.

ISBN: 0-393-70386-X