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- There is a biologically based need to belong, evident in
the evolutionary benefits and universality of different
relationships and in the negative consequences
that accompany the absence of relationships, as
shown by the deficits in feral children.
- Relationships shape the sense of self and how social
events are remembered and explained. People all have
certain relational selves, or beliefs, feelings, and expectations
that derive from their relationships with particular
other people. When one of these is activated by
a particular person, the person is seen in the light of
the relevant relational self. Relationships affect personal
well-being on a moment-to-moment basis.
- John Bowlby's attachment theory holds that, early in
development, children rely on their parents for a
sense of security. Some children are luckier in these
formative relationships than others. People having a
secure attachment style are comfortable with intimacy
and wish to be close to other people when they are
stressed. People having an avoidant attachment style
feel insecure in relationships and distance themselves
from others. People who have an anxious
attachment style are also insecure in relationships but
respond to this insecurity by compulsively seeking
closeness and by obsessing about the quality of their
relations with others.
- Researchers have discovered that attachment styles
are quite stable over the lifespan. Secure, anxious, and
avoidant individuals live quite different lives, enjoying
different levels of relationship satisfaction
(securely attached individuals are the most satisfied
and the least likely to break up) and suffering different
kinds of difficulties (anxiously attached individuals
are particularly prone to psychological problems).
- Fiske's relational models theory posits that there are
four different kinds of relational styles: (a) the communal
sharing, family-like, relationship style, in
which members of the group receive what they need
and give what they can; (b) the authority ranking relationship
style characteristic of corporations and
tribal groups headed by chiefs, in which power flows
from a head to those lower and resources are distributed
as the head sees fit; (c) the equality matching
relationship style governed by the principles of reciprocity
and sameness, which is typified by friendships;
and (d) the market pricing relationship style
governed by the principle of benefits in proportion
to inputs and characteristic of companies that
reward individuals in proportion to their contributions.
All of these relationship styles are practiced by
all societies (with the exception of market pricing
for some), but different cultures apply different
styles in different domains.
- Clark and Mills have contrasted communal relationships
over the long term with exchange relationships
of short duration that are governed by concerns of
equity.
- Power is based on status, authority, and dominance
relations. According to the approach/inhibition theory
of power, elevated power makes people look at
things in more simplistic fashion, and act in the
social world in more disinhibited ways.
- The most mysterious and compelling relationship is
the romantic bond. Romantic relationships are an
important part of our social life, and they are important
to our satisfaction with our lives and even our
physical health.
- Divorce and marital dissatisfaction are often caused
by marrying young, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling,
and contempt.
- Happy romantic relations are affected by commitment,
which is a function of rewards in the relationship,
alternatives to the relationship, and investments
in the relationhip. Happy couples have more positive
illusions about their partners, and they are likely to
pursue novel but arousing activities together.
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