More than 320 letters from
Robert Sidney to Barbara and to his trusted
steward Rowland Whyte were preserved and
are now at the Kent County Archives Office,
Maidstone, Kent. They provide a fascinating
insight into the actual functioning of a
great estate and the actual domestic relations
and responsibilities of husband and wife,
by comparison with the theoretical definitions
set forth in the sections on Religious and
Legal Norms and Advice Books. Though the
marriage was not initially a love match,
Robert's letters are marked by tenderness
and intimacy, as well as high regard for
Barbara as domestic helpmeet, manager of
his estate during his frequent and often-lamented
absences on court duties, and fond mother
of his children — for whom he also
shows a tender regard; the letters are also
marked by a constant anxiety about money
and the large expenses of the household.
Barbara's letters, sent to Robert at
court or abroad, did not, apparently, survive,
but some of her attitudes — her reluctance
to leave Penshurst to come to court or to
Flushing, her care for the standard of hospitality
at the estate, her love for her children — can
be inferred from Robert's letters.
From Sir Robert to Barbara (from court):
June 3, 1594. Sweetheart, I would
not for anything that the ill husbands at
the court should know how fond I am grown
to send you on this fashion the first dainties
I can come by, lest they should think I were
quite mad.
From Sir Robert to Barbara (from Flushing):
November 20, 1596. I am glad to hear
that Will begins to read. For the schoolmaster
for him, I would some were harkened out,
but not made choice of until I come into
England myself. I would fain have a Frenchman
if I could find one out that were fit. For
our Oxford young men have seen nothing but
the schools, and need for most things themselves
to be taught.
August 22, 1597. It is true that
in the former of my long letters I wrote
that I would have you leave some of your
children behind you: but in the latter I
left it to yourself, as I do still, since
I see you will not be otherwise pleased.
For the girls I cannot mislike the care you
take of them. But for the boys, you must
resolve to let me have my will. For I know
better what belongs to a man than you do.
Indeed I will have him lie [apart] from his
maid, for it is time, and now no more to
be in the nursery among women. I will not
stick to the schoolmaster whom you speak
of £20 a year, if I can hear of his
sufficiency. But then will I have the boy
delivered to his charge only, and not to
have him when he is to teach him, to be troubled
with the women [the daughters?]. I pray you
sweetheart, resolve to suffer the boy now
to be wholly at my charge. For it is reasonable
time that being seven years old he should
be able to read English.
From the steward Rowland Whyte to Sir Robert
(at Flushing):
February 21, 1600. My Lady takes
great pains in all your business; by her
travail matters go forward. She has been
with Mr. Cooke, the judge of Glamorgan, about
some causes of yours, who promises to have
special care of them.
April 19, 1600. Your letter touching
the respecting of servants has much grieved
my Lady; the least unkind word you send is
to her soul a torment * * * Her expense here
she confesses is great. For her house (unless
it be when Lord Herbert comes, which is three
or four days a week) there is nothing wastefully
spent. Little Sir Philip Herbert now lives
with her. All your allowances to fund her
and her children is bestowed upon them and
their bringing up, upon herself very little
or nothing. If I did not see her extremely
aggrieved at your letter I would not presume
to have written thus.
From Sir Robert to Barbara (from court):
November 10, 1607. The auditor told
me that you would be here this week, and
indeed it is high time that I resolve upon
something. For as my state is now I cannot
consist, I will not say in respect of mine
honor and credit, but even for things of
necessary maintenance. And therefore before
you come from Penshurst I pray you confer
at large with Golding [the accountant] and
take his opinion what is to be done. For
I never was in that case in my life as I
am now. For besides my interests [on] debts,
I owe £2000 in London, for the most
part of which I either am or shall presently
be sued. The household debts and many of
them to poor and clamorous persons come to
a thousand pound: a sum I think you did not
imagine. * * * I should be extremely ashamed
if I were not to you and to Golding to discover
the greatness, and indeed the foulness, of
my wants. As I have said, I have not money
to pay the interest [that] grows due nor
to buy necessary clothes for this winter
nor to pay for man's meat nor horse's
meat. * * * So as I fear I shall not be able
in a manner to show my head if I make not
present sale of something, till somewhat
may come in from the king which I have no
reason to doubt of, though perhaps it will
require some time. Christmas likewise is
coming on,
>> note 1 which
to one that lives in the place that I do brings on a necessary exhausting
charge. * * * Think of these thing I pray you: for you see how I acquaint
you with the depth of all and do desire your advice."
September 29, 1609 [regarding a prospective
steward that Barbara has proposed, one Thomas
Morgan]. It is a steward indeed that I want,
as I have often told you. For it is not the
expense of the kitchen alone but of all the
house that is out of order, and cannot be
remedied but by the care of a good steward.
Whether Thomas Morgan be sufficient for that
place is the question. For his honesty I
make no doubt, nor of his care and diligence.
But the steward of a man's house of my
quality must have both the spirit and knowledge
to command and experience of all things that
belong to a house both within doors and without.
Otherwise you will not have that satisfaction
that is to be looked for. Besides he must
know how to give entertainment to strangers
according to their qualities, which is not
easily found in one that is not bred where
such courses are used. Truly I was exceeding
sorry to see you so grieved as you were at
my coming from you; and I would have given
better token if I had had any time to stay.
It is not my desire that you should undertake
the charge of the house, to be a grief unto
you. * * * For the greatness of the expenses,
so as there may be some better course hereafter,
never trouble yourself with what is past;
if the house be in debt I must pay it and
will. But this we must at last resolve, to
keep such a house as we may, not as we would:
and our friends must bear with us: for we
must not be undone. I know you want
>> note 2 many
things which are fit for you: but truly the debts every half year come so
heavily in respect of the house, as (for which I am exceedingly sorry) I
am never able to do that for you which in my heart I desire. But as soon
as I can bring my estate into any good order I will set out such an allowance
as shall beseem my wife, whom I love so well: and besides particular allowances
for all your children. But to return to the house, I see I must set down
a proportion weekly, above which I will not go; and whatsoever blame may
be of it I will take upon me: and you shall be free. Neither is it any way
my meaning to take any authority of the house from you and yield accounts
to you, and do those things which indeed is unfit for you to trouble yourself
withal. For I would have you be mistress and not put yourself to those things
which indeed belong to servants. How Morgan will be able to perform these
things I know not. For my part I had rather have him than another, because
he hath already served me: but on the other side I would be as loth to be
forced to put him away again.
July 22, 1618. By my daughter Wroth
>> note 3 I
sent you word of the honor the King intended
to me, which now is performed and passed
the great seal, so as now your Ladyship
is Countess of Leicester. * * * And sweetheart,
many years I pray God you may enjoy this
name to my comfort, who will ever be your
most loving husband, Leicester.